≡ Menu

Do you ever wonder what emotions are empowering and which are robbing you of your energy?  Tantra teaches you how to smartly switch from complaining to receiving what you want.   It increases energy that makes you feel good.

When you have more energy, you see your partner (and others) from a more expanded place. You are more accepting, more compassionate, and more passionate.

Finding out what keeps your energy high is one of the most important pieces of self-knowledge that can catapult your currently lukewarm relationship to a higher, more vibrant place where you will often be in a state of powerful harmony with your partner.

How can this be?

Because when an obstacle or delay comes up in a moment of low energy, it can be disappointing or even frustrating to you.  If you experience the same event when you are in a high-energy state, you do not react defensively; you become curious instead, and are open to learn more about yourself and about your lover so you can give each other what you deeply desire.

Tantra teaches to protect this empowering state, a state that improves both your health and your relationships. The best protection is to keep focusing on it, and avoid any negative thoughts that interfere and take root in your consciousness.

There are amazing Tantric techniques that can give you the gift of sustaining high energy and passion.

A Tantric space is a very creative space when you can come up with easy and right solutions to challenges, and stay emotionally grounded to build up love from that space.

You do not react from your egotistical place.  This state of high energy and pleasure feels too precious to be disturbed by complaining or by being defensive.  You can instead kindly and openly ask for what you want and your partner will be happy to give it to you.

Of course, shame, guilt and anger, all come from a powerless space.

I train men, women, and couples to transcend and transmute these emotions into higher vibrating states.  This turns normal sex into real love-making that can grow and grow as you deepen your connection.


Vulnerability Is Strength

Summer is now over, and the easygoing open way we commune with nature and each other is changing again.  We become more introspective.  We communicate more with ourselves – inside our heads and our hearts.

Introspection is good.  We need time to tune into ourselves to see what we are really thinking and feeling because often we decide to quickly put our feelings on hold to handle urgent work.  We need to integrate our experiences to really learn from them.

However, sometimes we unconsciously confuse introspection with the avoidance of communicating our inner thoughts and feelings with the person we love. Many times, we may be afraid of how our lover may react to what we need to express.

The other day, I was avoiding seeing a man I love, because I subtly resented him for not calling back as soon as I had expected him to. However, I denied even the slightest thought of my being resentful.  I told myself “I am more enlightened than that.  I simply want to be by myself.  I need time for me right now.”

Thankfully, I cannot hide the real truth from myself for long.  After some thought, I admitted that I was actually upset, because I had interpreted what I labeled his “lack of action” as my not being important enough for him to call back.

I saw the truth within myself, without judging myself – that is forgiving myself for not being perfect.  The whole energy behind avoiding communication with him dissolved, and it left me with a fresh view of life.

I simply asked him his reason for calling me back late.  He responded without defending himself, because he did not feel attacked, and I learned a wonderful lesson.

You are the only one who knows the difference between honestly needing time alone to refresh yourself, and avoiding communication because you don’t want to confront a difficult topic and risk being misinterpreted or ending up upset.

The key to staying open internally is being open to vulnerability, yet also being strong – knowing that you can trust yourself. Yes, strong enough to face whatever is there in your life, without making drama, as a matter of fact.


Today I received a phone call from a friend who is feeling sad and discouraged about life. I checked in with myself and I realized that it is more challenging to stay focused on the positive even for me.

In these difficult times of financial upheaval and uncertainty about the political future of America, it takes awareness and courage to stay centered in the heart. Awareness that we can connect with the Divine in us instead of being bound by the maze that keeps threading the mill, stuck in the survival sphere.

When the temptation to be discouraged hits me I call a friend who needs support and help her/him shift even for a brief moment to be see that support is available.  That simple act of helping my friend actually helped me make a shift in consciousness to see the positive.

No matter how unsettled our life is, it is very precious.  Make time to hug and to tell someone you care.   Equally important, especially for the givers among us, is to make sure that you cherish the hug and the support that is available to you.

I’m sure there are other ways to shift consciousness. This approach worked well for me today.

I enjoy learning about my friends’ paradigm shifting moments.

Would you share with us a recent opportunity where you choose to shift your consciousness and intention?


5 Simple Steps to Joy

This morning as I woke up, I felt grateful that I am alive and have a chance to express myself.

So, today I want to share with you 5 easy things I do that contribute to my joy, and can work for you too:

  1. Start the day with at least one thought of what we are grateful for.
  2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day and pay attention to our breathing. Notice when it starts slowing down and become deeper when we pay attention to it. Then inspiration has a space to come in
  3. Smile as often as we can, even for no reason other then to increase our happy hormones. Smile is the ultimate anti-depressant. And it is contagious.
  4. Taking a walk paying attention to how our bodies feel. What muscles are involved in the walking? Is the body loose or rigid? The moment your notice rigidity, it usually melts and you can enjoy the walking more.
  5. Call a friend who might need support. That nourishes the relationship and ourselves.

What contributes to your joy?


Female Ejaculation

Does a woman ejaculate? The answer is a definite yes. With proper stimulation of the G-spot or “Goddess-spot”, women can ejaculate a fluid from ducts located around the urethra. The G-spot is located in the front wall of the vagina under the pubic bone. This is a spongy area two inches or more inside the vagina — depending on the size of the yoni and the location of the clitoris. It is actually the “South Pole” of the clitoris.

Female ejaculation was documented in ancient China and India where Goddess-spot massage was a common sex technique. Tantric texts call the liquid produced amrita, or “sweet nectar.” It is a protein-based fluid, found to be chemically different from urine. It is believed to have great healing properties.

This knowledge is slowly coming to the awareness of non-Tantric people like Dr. Mitchell Levine, a gynecologist/obstetrician at the Women Care clinic, in Arlington, who declares that women do ejaculate. He believes that the hush-hush aura around the subject does not help women or men. He believes that is should become common knowledge.

Sexuality, and especially women’s sexuality, does not receive much attention in medical school. In fact, one female gynecologist approached for this story declined comment, admitting not to know enough about the subject.

In so many ways, advanced western culture is badly informed about human sensuality. Medical encyclopedias still do not mention female ejaculation. There is some information, however, in “The Complete Guide to Women’s Health.”

The quantity of amrita is not indicative of how much the woman enjoys her release, and the experience of female ejaculation varies from woman to woman. Therefore, men, shouldn’t make the quantity or intensity of G-spot orgasms an issue.

Some woman I’ve worked with say they experience intense pleasurable feelings of release and often ejaculate three to nine times or more during one session of sex, each ejaculatory orgasm giving them more pleasure than the previous one. Some dribble a small amount of fluid; others soak the sheets.

Some women get concerned that they’re urinating, and they need to be reassured that this is not the case. It is amrita they secrete, not urine. In fact amrita does not smell or taste like urine.

The G-spot itself has been a subject of controversy since its “discovery” in 1944 by gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg. The “G” in the G-spot stands for Granfenberg. In the ’60s, sexologists Masters and Johnson announced that female orgasms occurred primarily through stimulation of the clitoris, not the vagina, where the G-spot is found. The G Spot (Holt, Rinehart, and Winston), a 1982 book by Beverly Whipple, Alice Ladas, and John Perry, refuted this claim and provides ample evidence that the G-spot exists. My colleague, Dr. Gary Schubach, wrote a very enlightening thesis on the G-spot. You can find it at http://www.doctorg.com.

Some feminists fear that widespread knowledge about female ejaculation will burden women with one more “trick” they must master in bed to feel fully orgasmic. While this is a true concern, I think that withholding knowledge is not the right approach. Educating women about their birthright to full enjoyment of their bodies is a positive approach.

There are approaches that do not put any pressure on performance neither for males nor for females. What is most important is the deep heart to heart connection and caring between the lovers while they experience the pleasure in lovemaking. The goal is connection and deepening intimacy, not performance.

Are you a woman interested in exploring this new part of your sexuality? The fastest and easiest way to learn this technique is in a private session. Call now to schedule a session with me at 917-513-2500, or email me at carla@carlatara.com.


Higher intuition is derived from the practice of the Oshun Breath, the connection and the meditation on sensations and feelings. Intuition gets you in touch with your inner knowing, with the part of you that is connected to all that Is. Following our intuition can bring your relationships to more fulfilling levels. It always is there to help you and to guide you to your highest good, whether it is health or happiness.

It takes intention, and consistent practice to learn to distinguish between intuition or inspiration from the voice of the ego reminding you to do what’s next on the list.

A woman asked me this question: How can I distinguish between intuition and other thoughts?”

I told her that the voice of intuition or inspiration is very gentle and usually does not come back to knock on your door. It is respectful of your choices. It’s not intrusive or commanding you to do or not to do something. It requires your attention and you need to train yourself to pay attention. You are likely to hear it when you are rested as after a night sleep in meditative states, while taking a bath, or when you are in an altered state of consciousness induced by conscious connected breathing, tantric lovemaking or during the afterglow.

Intuition can be a voice or an image gently inspiring you to do or open up what’s the best for your life. Inviting the intuition to express itself is very important. It’s just like the light of the sun that can bring light into the darkness or confusion in our limited mind, the ego mind. Just as the sun cannot enter into your room if the blinds are shut, so the intuition cannot enter a noisy mind, full of demands and projects that fill your life.

This explanation was too theoretical to her. She wanted an example that would give her a better understanding of this sometimes very difficult distinction. So I gave her an example of when I did not listen to my intuition and ignored this soft, all-knowing voice.

One morning I woke up with a thought to call Jennifer. I have not been in touch with her for several months because I had been busy with a project that demanded most of my time. A soft inner voice said ‘Call her now’.

Before I could agree with that voice another, stronger voice can in, louder and more convincing than the first and I listen to it. It said, “Call her later; you have a very important phone call that you promised to make this morning.” Regrettably, I listened to the second voice, the voice of my Ego, reminding me of my work.  I made that first business call, which lead to another seemingly very urgent, and still another.  I’m sure you can identify with this.

By the time I allowed myself to remember the thought I woke up with, I called Jennifer, but she did not answer. I had a weird feeling about it and decided to continue calling her until I got her.  An intense unexplainable sadness enveloped me. No answer! She always responded to my calls immediately. I became worried and I could not concentrate on anything else that day.

The next day my friend Shareen, one of Jennifer best friends, called me to tell me that Jennifer died unexpectedly in her own bed around 8 am the day before. She had stopped breathing.  She was 45 years old and had lots of dreams she wanted to fulfill. That missed call has haunted me.

Perhaps I could have helped her. If she could have answered the phone and told me what was happening I could have called the ambulance right away I would have saved her life. A lot of “what if’s” that were painful to me.

Those “what if’s” taught me: always listen to the first soft whispering of intuition because it’s usually contradicted by thought coming from the more limited part our brain, the ego that cannot see the whole picture beyond our physical survival. When we stop to think, we invite the ego to take over and dismiss intuition.

This example helped the woman understand better how to distinguish between intuition and other thoughts, and she shared some similar experiences herself that validated the distinction between them.

Thankfully I have many more examples of great results achieved when I listened to my soft inner voice, the voice of intuition. In my work I always pay immediate attention to my intuition. Why is it easier to tune into the intuition when I work? Because I am in the present and I don’t let any other intruding thoughts come in to squelch the soft intuitive voice or cancel the image that I am receiving.


Many people think that they are too open minded to have any shame and guilt about their sex lives, but negative emotions have learned how to hide deep in the psyche because they clash with the intellectual part of the brain. Hidden shame and/or guilt about not being perfect are still sabotaging many relationships. I’m always amazed how it is possible for these to be hiding away in our subconscious, sometimes for many years.

Modern free thinkers seldom imagine the damage that these negative beliefs cause. They have probably read all the books that brilliantly explain how sex is a great energy that can actually help to have harmonious relationships and even lead to enlightenment. The problem is that, the wisdom we read in books still only engages us on an intellectual level, and doesn’t penetrate down to the level of belief.

Many of us have absorbed – usually early in life – unhealthy beliefs which sabotage deep love. Unless you had the perfect upbringing, you probably have taken in limiting beliefs around sex from people you grew up with. Very few parents understand the power and spirituality of sex and do not know how to talk about it in a free educational way. As children and teenagers, we are confronted with the duality: sex feels good, and yet we are directly or indirectly taught that it is bad or shameful.

Guilt can also be passed from an adult who interacts sexually with a child or teenager inappropriately. The child absorbs the feeling that there is something wrong with sex. Instead, what is wrong is the inappropriate use of sex, or sexual approach at that age from that person. But the subconscious doesn’t distinguish, and it translates that sense of wrongness from one sexual situation into a general negative reaction to sexuality itself.

Both shame and guilt disconnect us from love and make a deeply satisfying relationship impossible. The good news is that there is an approach that brings up all possible negative repressed emotions into the open, where with the help of a skilled practitioner they can be transformed into the truth of the innocence and power of appropriate sex. To enjoy sex fully, you need to connect it to love, and love is the deepest emotion.

When sex and love are disconnected your deepest needs for nurturing and sexual merging remain unfulfilled – whether you are avoiding sex or are addicted to it. And you probably know that addictions, after a very short spike of pleasure, always leave you empty and bored.

When those limiting beliefs surface and are transformed into love they are actually presenting you with a gift. They enrich you by giving back to you all the energy that was being used to keep them suppressed, under the radar of the rational, intellectual mind.

It is reassuring to know that if you clear up all the negative connotations around sex that are kept in place in the subconscious, you can experience the depth of love. You can only go as deep as you are emotionally free. When the sabotaging emotions are transformed, your energy and the intensity of your pleasure increase exponentially, and so does love.


Loving Your Imperfections 

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”  ~ Marilyn Monroe

Can you imagine how boring the world would be if we all looked alike, even if we were all perfectly beautiful?

Can you be seductive even if you do not have the perfect ‘beauty pageant body?

Can you be fully sexy with your lover even if according to your beliefs your thighs are too flabby?  Can you even imagine that he might like your thighs just the way they are?

Can you offer your tenderness and love from a breast that is no longer firm, and perhaps sagging?

If you answer yes to at least some of these questions your self-acceptance is helping you to enjoy life more than the woman who has a ‘perfect’ body, but a critical mind can.

I remember one of my clients, Grace, saying that she was avoiding the woman-on-top position during sex because her belly and breasts were not firm enough, and she was afraid her boyfriend would be turned off.  She had let herself go after the baby and was sad because she used to have the best orgasms when she was on top.  In fact, when she was on top she was doing the movements that gave her the best orgasms.

Thankfully, after we worked on how her beliefs influenced her behavior, she changed her mind and started to practice imagining that the movement of her flesh was a turn on to her boyfriend.

After a while, even without changing anything about her looks, she actually started to enjoy being on top again and started to have incredible, powerful orgasms.   Her boyfriend was ecstatic.   She was relaxed enough to observe that her boyfriend actually enjoyed her sexiness no matter what position they were in.  She actually became multi-orgasmic.

Her self-esteem as a lover rose, and then she decided that she wanted to firm up, because she realized she liked herself more if her body had more tone.   She joined a gym and within 6 months Grace achieved the look that made her feel good about her body and she could wear more sexy clothes.

However, to her surprise her pleasure in sex did not change.  She was as great as before.

The change she made came out of self-love, not out of having a body that looked a certain way.

Sex is an internal job.  Most men love the passion and abandon a self-confident woman experiences in their presence, and often are much less critical about any physical imperfections we have than most women are when they look at themselves in the mirror.

Being healthy and well toned is definitely a plus, but you do not have to wait to be a certain way in order to enjoy sex.

Loving yourself is one of the topics we cover in my workshop  “Own Your Power in the Bedroom” and in private sessions.


On the Fourth of July, I had an experience that I never had before. I stood right under fireworks that exploded right above me. While my eyes were taking in the incredible beauty of the show I was feeling the explosions in my heart. The explosions reminded me of a fantastic, romantic night I spent the weekend before. I felt little bursts of pleasure in all the cells of my body

It was awesome. I was feeling so energized and excited that I skipped all the way home.

However, I want you to know that sometimes orgasms can be quiet and very deep. At other times, you know you are not able to have an orgasm at all. Women sometimes feel that they have to fake an orgasm with high sounds and fast breathing in order not to disappoint their lovers. Men who might know about explosive orgasms might measure their own ability as lovers, by a woman’s ability to have explosive orgasms.

What would you do then? You might ask yourself, “should I fake it or not?”

Hopefully, you will trust your partner enough to tell him: “Honey, you know what a great lover you are and I think you are realty hot, but tonight I think I’m not able to let go.” or something similar that is true for you. This will save his “sexual self-esteem” and open up to him in your vulnerability, which is very attractive to men. Most men in that case would love to cuddle and kiss you until you relax, perhaps into a real orgasm.

When you fake it, you feel a lack of integrity and you may sabotage the relationship. You might have noticed that after you have an orgasm you feel elated and energetic. But after you fake one you feel depressed and tired. Sometimes, instead you may want to force an orgasm to end a sexual encounter. Instead a better choice may be to tell your partner the truth about your feeling of having enough (for now) and offer to give him a great an orgasm using your other talents.

Faking and forcing orgasms is not what you want to do to nurture your relationship. You might even unconsciously avoid the next sexual encounter, which can really damage your relationship.

Regrettably, there are also women who actually are too wounded to have orgasm. But that is a topic for another post.


I recently started working with a great looking woman who first came in my door so stressed that she could not sit still without constantly re-arranging her body.  That first day, her eyes were speedily moving around in hyper vigilance.  She could not finish one sentence in the rush to get to the next.

What she said came from a rehearsed circular thinking in her head.  She did not allow herself time to feel.   She told me she hated herself and especially her body.  She grew up with a self-righteous alcoholic father and a Catholic mother who did NOT allow herself or her children to feel feelings, especially those of pleasure.

She complained that she had a dark secret:  she was 49 years old and she had never had an orgasm!  All her friends were telling her of their great lovemaking, ending in earthshaking orgasms . . . Whether they were telling her the truth or not, she believed them and guessed there was something wrong with her.

Talking to Jane did not seem the best approach, because her rigid belief that there was something wrong with her would just filter out my words.  I had to try something more direct.

I could see that Jane was breathing high, shallow breaths, lifting her upper chest while her lower chest remained immobile, and her belly pulled in tightly as though she had to save her back from the strain of lifting a heavy weight.  She was in a state of high stress.  Although her muscles were quite tight, giving the illusion of strength, she was pale, and lacking inner strength.

So I empathized and created a safe space for Jane to feel her feelings. I started her off with the Oshun Breath, a gentle, powerful breath that takes people out of their minds and into their bodies in a very short space of time.  Although the Oshun Breath is easy to learn, the resistance to it can be great.  One of the skills of a guide is to create a safe space where one can feel supported in discovering emotional truths we are hiding from ourselves.

Jane’s first fear was that she might be swept away by her emotions, and then succumb to some terrible, life threatening attack from outside.    We looked at it together with kindness without buying into it, and the fear started to diminish enough for her to achieve a relaxed state she had never felt before.

After I encouraged her to do the Oshun Breath for a while, her body started to soften.  Her cheeks became rosy and the constant movement in her eyes slowed down.  She was afraid of falling asleep when she reached a peaceful place.  Wanting to fall asleep is another defense, so I invited her to continue the Oshun Breath.  Then another fear emerged, the fear of liking pleasure so much she would stop working and then . . . starve!  A series of fears came up, including that she would be punished or even raped if she allowed herself to be playful.

We calmly addressed those fears one at the time.  After a while she finally surrendered to enjoying the feeling of pleasure in her body and a sense of acceptance that she never felt before. By the end of the session, she had transformed her urgency to have an orgasm into a calm confident acceptance that having orgasms is natural when we allow ourselves to just feel and be present to those feelings, riding on the waves of the breath.

She called me after a week of practicing the Oshun Breath for 20 minutes a day, and told me that she had experienced a great orgasm with her boyfriend.

By focusing you in your body, it helps you relax your mind and escape the relentless self-criticism we all struggle with.   This helps you to overcome premature ejaculation, to relax enough to feel more pleasure and have greater orgasms (including full-body orgasms), and take the women to her greatest pleasure!